Why Couples Who Ask Questions Stay Together

There's a pattern in relationships that researchers have been studying for decades: the couples who last are the ones who never stop being curious about each other.

Not curious in a suspicious way. Curious in the way that says: I know you, and I still want to know more.

The Research

Dr. Arthur Aron's famous "36 Questions" study showed that strangers who asked each other increasingly personal questions developed a level of closeness in 45 minutes that typically takes weeks or months.

But here's what's more interesting: the principle doesn't just work for strangers. Couples who continue asking each other meaningful questions — even years into a relationship — report higher satisfaction, deeper intimacy, and more resilience during conflict.

The Gottman Institute calls this building "love maps" — a detailed understanding of your partner's inner world. The couples who maintain rich, up-to-date love maps handle stress better, fight less destructively, and feel more connected.

Why We Stop Asking

If curiosity is so powerful, why do most couples stop doing it?

Assumption. After a while, you think you know everything. You assume you know how they'll answer, so you stop asking.

Routine. Daily life doesn't naturally create space for meaningful conversation. "How was your day?" becomes a reflex, not a real question.

Fear. Sometimes we avoid asking because we're afraid of what we might hear. It's easier to assume everything is fine.

The antidote to all three is the same: make asking a habit, not a special occasion.

One Question a Day

You don't need 36 questions in one sitting. You need one question a day, every day, for the rest of your relationship.

The math is simple:

• 1 question per day = 365 new things you learn about your partner every year
• Over 5 years, that's 1,825 conversations you wouldn't have had otherwise

The key is variety. "How was your day?" doesn't count because it's always the same question. You need questions that surprise — that make your partner pause and think before answering.

Some examples:

• "What's something you changed your mind about recently?"
• "When did you last feel really proud of yourself?"
• "What's something about our relationship that you want to protect?"
• "If you could master one skill overnight, what would it be?"

Making It Stick

The hardest part isn't asking — it's remembering to ask. Here's what works:

Attach it to an existing habit. Ask during your morning coffee, your evening walk, or right before bed. Same time, same place, every day.

Take turns choosing. One partner picks the question on even days, the other on odd days. Shared ownership makes it a partnership, not a chore.

Use a tool. Lovestruck gives both partners a new question every day. You each answer independently — no peeking — then reveal your answers together. It removes the mental load of coming up with questions and turns curiosity into an automatic daily habit.

What Happens Over Time

Couples who ask daily questions report something unexpected: it's not the deep questions that matter most. It's the consistency.

The lighthearted questions ("What would you do with a million dollars?") create joy. The deeper ones ("What are you afraid of right now?") create trust. Together, they build a relationship where nothing feels off-limits and your partner never feels like a stranger.

That's the real goal: not knowing everything about your partner, but making sure they know that you'll always want to know more.